"Choosing to See"

     Perhaps some of you recognize the title of this blog, "Choosing to See."  It's definitely not original, but it does have significant meaning to our family's adoption journey.  This is the title of a book written by Mary Beth Chapman (Steven Curtis Chapman's wife).  Almost two years ago exactly, the kids and I were in the Rainbow City Public Library when I happened to see this book being displayed.  I barely gave it a second glance - I briefly knew that this family had lost an adopted daughter in a terrible accident, and I knew the book would probably be very depressing.  But something made me pick it up and read the inside cover.  I noticed that the Forward was written by Beth Moore - I was currently doing my first Beth Moore bible study, so of course I had to read this.  I was hooked.  I checked out the book and prepared myself to be pretty depressed :)  And yes, it was sad.  But more than that, I finished the book with a sense of awe and excitement at what this family had done.  And a tiny little voice in my head (yes, it was God :) was saying "what if we could do this?"
     Just so you know, adoption is not something that Nathan and I had ever discussed.  Not that we were against it at all - it had just never come up in the plans we thought we had for our life.  We had two children - a girl and a boy - and our family was complete.  So I had no idea how Nathan was going to receive the news that I felt God had a different plan for our family.  I think that, for a while, he thought I was into this because I had just read the book.  He thought my enthusiasm would fade.  And when it didn't, he really tried to get on board.  But this was really hard for him - who can blame him?  And after about a year, he just told me that he did not feel the same calling that I did.
     I was crushed.  I did not understand how I could feel so completely sure that this was what God wanted me to do, but Nathan was not receiving the same message.  In my extreme sadness, I decided that I would no longer discuss adoption with him.  But I prayed, probably harder than I have ever prayed for something in my life.  I prayed that if this was truly God's plan for us, that he would put the same yearning that I felt into Nathan.  That Nathan would develop a heart for the orphan - as much or more - as I had.
     Well, I guess you can see what happened at the end of the story.  But really, that was just the beginning.  We are "Choosing to See" the plan that God has for us; we are "Choosing to See" that God commands us to care for the fatherless; we are "Choosing to See" that we are definitely not in control :) 

    

I really recommend the book :)